some of you might be too young to know the reference…. George Bush SR coined the phrase in an effort to promote volunteerism.

Last week was a  hard week, a bit like the Garden of Gethsemane. I did lay down my will at the end.. whatever path God chooses is the path I am going on. Or perhaps more like the exchange between Peter and Jesus where Peter says I will go anywhere, do anything for you Lord. And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren."

I was sifted last week, and saw a few things I was ashamed to see about me and my faith did not fail. We may have a few more such times before it is over, but this morning I stand firm and immovable.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap

I listened to this song “Defying Gravity” (from the musical “Wicked” but I only know it from Glee,)over and over waiting for the surgical procedure to begin yesterday.

I had (and still do) an extreme amount of pain, The home health nurse said I was at the end of the spectrum of pain (following this procedure)he had not seen before. I woke in the middle of the night I guess after every bit of pain killer had worn off… the pain was excruciating. I had Hannah go get my mom (this is about 2:30 AM) MY mom came right downstairs, not a hesitation, she was just here by my side. She helped me fish out the Rx I needed, she got me a drink, she rearranged the tons of blankets I had on top of me; (I am getting violent episodes of the chills.) And then she sat by my side until I fell asleep.

Her positive attitude is worth a trillion medications. She doesnt waste time  looking at limits, she just does what needs to be done.  And she loves… if you think I am typing dispassionately, guess again… I am weeping. She loves me with hands and heart. I am surrounded by a thousand points of light.

Today is a hard day …. so i need to rely on other to speak for me…. I am passionate about the use of the R Word…. and  dont you go get MAry started…

but friends have posted and I am asking you to take the pledge

Spread the Word

read it absorb it …. recognize the subtle and not so subtle impact on my Jenni and my Caroline…

Last night i wanted to “quit,” whatever quit meant. The question immediately popped in my head, what does that mean, “quit?” Hmmm wont go back to chemo, yeah, like that would happen. Tony would make me go. Hmmmmph, I said Let him try… well, of course he would get me there….

Quitting also means not trying to do on my own power… so, I did quit…. I said … you need to show up Lord, because I am tired. I cried out with a  bit of a gasp and Hannah who was asleep on the other couch stirred. I went to her, patted her and said, “I’m ok, baby, God is here with me.” She murmured, “He was there last night too.”

This morning, some of the depression returned, the lethargy…. I have mentioned I do the M’Cheyne Bible Reading Plan…. and the D A Carson commentary. I get that done. Some mornings it is a tremendous rich overflowing blessing, some mornings, i wonder why i am doing it?

Tony shared an illustration to give me perspective…  a missionary speaking to a woman who said she had trouble remembering anything she read in her Bible, what was the point of reading it anyway?  In a village, a woman goes to the well to get her water in a leaky bucket, bamboo perhaps…. daily, not all the water arrives at the destination, but the basket is getting cleaned in the process.

And that my friends was enough to keep me going…

I used to scrap these moments, but now that is more difficult so I want to jot them here so we have a record…. so that we dont forget the precious times…

Olympics are over… I am not into the Olympics…. Emily is…. all the pomp and circumstance, she has some strong opinions about the ceremonies, the athletes, the rules… this morning, after Olympics’ end, she wakes me up with “I want to learn how to bob-sleigh.” I return, I want to sleep.

She is Canadian when it comes to hockey… she and Tony were watching the final game, and she was clearly cheering for Canada. She is like me though and her grandmother, the tension gets too much so we have to leave the room and walk around, no use wasting expensive seats at the game on us. My Dad used to say that at Dolphin football games when I walked around as the game got close.

Friday night, Amanda, Emily and Hannah went to youth group where the leaders held a winter

olympics… with events like drinking pop and jumping jacks, who can burp the best? Emily threw up… Amanda rocked~ bringing home several medals for family pride.

We have a new hamster in the family… Einstein, Hannah’s party for Blade included a new brother, but they arent allowed to ever see other, as apparently they eat each other…. not sure where the joy is. Lorraine joined us and we had roast chicken, oven crisp potatoes, roast broccoli, sweet corn and Hannah’s  vanilla cake with neo-classic buttercream. We also skyped with Katherine who enjoyed a frozen dinner at her end.

Last night was a rough night for me… diarrhea and nausea, and flushing…. yuck. I was lying on the floor wrapped up in blankets, but the Lord got me through it. I have a blood drawing appt this morning. I am writing out the instructions for a project I started.

JEnni, Hannah and I have been watching NCIS, Season Three. This will be a memory for us. Like meeting with old friends on a regular basis.

And I have been into Japanese rice lately…. I love the stuff, but dont get it often. I am on a  kick. The starchiness is so comforting, and with soft boiled egg on the side, and some Japanese pickle, a memory straight from childhoood. SO of course Hannah is back to making sushi rolls for her snacks… what a kid, rice, sushi, steak, apples…. that’s her diet.

there…. some snippets and snappets… take a wander over to the Matzoh project, I would love to see some feedback over there, and again, thank you for all the love