Celebrating Life
Posted on December, 12 at 11:20 am
When I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I’m with your ghost again
It’s a shame about the weather
But I know soon we’ll be together
And I can’t wait til then.
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508
Posted on December, 5 at 2:09 pm
First ski of the season yesterday! I didn’t forget how to ski but I did forget how high those slopes take you. Only two were open, the snoopy (baby stuff) and the sunbowl (which I just found out is also a beginner trail). I wasn’t sure I’d make it down but I did, without even falling!
ps. Alexis, 507 posts seemed too risque 
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beautiful
Posted on November, 25 at 1:35 am
Tonight was one of the most simple Thanksgiving suppers I’ve eaten at home, but I think it was also one of the most beautiful. A few mental images I never want to forget:
Trevor cutting a most gorgeous and delicious turkey for the family, a tradition I hope never runs out.
Daniel and Bethany talking about psychology and apprenticeships.
Sarah and I accusing each other of, and ultimately admitting to, cheating on Words with Friends (but only with each other!!)
Emily, Amanda and Hannah cuddled up on a couch together, like the good old days.
Tony snapping pictures of Trevor taking pictures, us watching that weird magician video.
Grandma and Terry and George talking about the real “good old days”.
Jenni and Daniel in the kitchen talking, being friends.
Grandma and Jenni peeling eggs, the way Mommy taught them.
The girls reminiscing of Mommy, telling stories to Daniel and Trevor.
I see whispers of a mother’s love passed on to her children. I see traces of her in a beautiful meal that everyone scarfs down. I see glimpses of her personality shining through the faces and souls behind of the individual members of my beautifully odd family.
I see a future where our house is filled with spouses and mates and loved ones who never knew her, but are captivated by stories of how Mommy combed our hair free of lice, how Beth treated us while we were sick. I see the present and the future, no longer only mourning her, but sharing her – her memory, her love, her essence that lives on in all of us.
Thank you, God, for this beautiful life of mine. For the beautiful people who make up my family. For my beautiful mother and the love she gave me. For my beautiful Saviour and that He laid His life down for me. For books and for flowers, for apple crisp and pecan pie, for odd youtube videos and funny pictures, for phone calls and facebook links, for gift baskets and for friends, for memory and for joy. For a love that knows no bounds.
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indebted
Posted on November, 24 at 3:40 pm
Just popped a turkey in the oven, mashed some potatoes, baked some buscuits, and oh yeah – STUFFING – but I’m taking a break to blog about thanksgiving.
I have had a crazy (read:busy) couple of days. Last week I had two exams and an assignment due, this week one exam and two projects due (in the same day!!). I literally spent every minute of Sunday doing something productive, and I have never been so tired in my life. Got up early to take Emily to cheerleading, then Church, then Hannah and I baby sat some kiddos for Thunder Bay Christian Fellowship, and then weekly grocery shopping (eye roll) and finally five hours of uninterrupted studying because I kicked my butt to the library. As a result, I’m pretty sure I did well on my exam come Monday morning, but I was exhausted. No time for sleep, though, because those projects aren’t going to finish themselves. If only, if only. By Tuesday at 230 pm, everything is done, and I sigh a big sigh of relief because I feel like a million weights have been lifted off my shoulders and I think about going home to sleep for about ten hours.
All this is going somewhere, I promise.
Later Tuesday night, Emily has a coupon for a free pizza from Pizza Hut, so I head over there to get one. Daniel is meeting me there, so I wait in my car for him. It’s freezing so I turn the car on for a bit but then off because I don’t want to die of carbon monoxide poisoning…also, the environment, duh. Now this is important for the purpose of our story, I did NOT take my keys out of the ignition like maybe a smart sensible person would. I lay there in my car until he pulls up and promptly get out and lock the car. Yeah, without my keys. I’m distracted because he shows up with a bouquet of flowers (lillies, my fave) for no reason, besides he’s trying to win boyfriend-of-the-year, but we realize I did this stupid thing and he suggests calling his dad. This ordinarily wouldn’t be a big deal but considering I have now locked my keys in my car and asked Gerald for help five times (!) I feel really awful at doing it again. This awful feeling coupled with a serious lack of sleep brings me to the brink of tears. “Don’t worry, he’ll think it’s funny”, says Daniel, clearly trying to avoid any tears that he might see piling up in my eyes. I can tell from the tone of the phone conversation it doesn’t really come across as “funny”…and the tears are really close now. Gerald calls his key guy and we go wait in Daniel’s truck. Well, in the dark, with nothing to focus on but my overall miserable existence (drama) I really can’t stop the tears from coming.
Daniel suggests calling his dad to apologize because it might make me feel better…so I call, and while I get out “Hi Gerald, I just wanted to say…” the “I’m sorry” part is muffled because I am full on sobbing now. “Don’t worry, you’re a good kid” and a few more things to make me feel better…and I hang up. Daniel has left the truck, partly to wait for the key guy, partly to give me privacy with his dad, and probably also to say a prayer that I stop crying soon. Well I look down at his phone and think about the conversation I just had, look at the flowers he got me for no reason, and I just start bawling even more because I feel so helpless and unbalanced in the love I give and the love I receive. He tells me later that they don’t love me for what I give them but for who I am, which makes me want to cry more, and we both decided I need some good sleep.
So long story short, this thanksgiving, I’m getting down on my knees and thanking the Good Lord for everything he’s given me – because even though the above scene was exacerbated by fatigue, the truth is, I can never give God as much Love, or as pure Love, or whole Love, as He gives me. I’ll never measure up and instead of dwelling on that, instead of letting that break me down, I need to let that build me up, because, what Amazing Love He has given me. Who am I, that the Eyes that see my sin, would look on me with Love, and watch me rise again? I’m thankful for Love that knows no bounds, spare keys, boyfriends who bring flowers, and their dads who love you too – to name a few
Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are.
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365
Posted on October, 8 at 2:34 am
If I could send a letter to my mom and knew she would get it, this is what I would write.
A lot can happen in one day, your whole life could change in a day. And to think, there’s 365 days in one year. That’s a lot of opportunities for your life to change.
One year, 365 days. That’s how long it’s been since you left this earth. And life has not changed 365 times but there were definitely days when I felt unsure of what life would look like at the end of the day.
But life has changed, and I know you could find out about our lives, and where we’re at, but when you’re busy feasting with the King, who can find the time?
Well I’m proud of our silly little family and how far we have come in one year. Hannah started high school last month. This is crazy, she has a million new friends and she hangs out with them all the time and they think she’s funny. She still likes hamsters and coffee and reading, and she still has long thick beautiful hair. She got that from you. She plays the alto sax and Mrs J says she is so cute and so small.
Jenni started to volunteer at a day care and Ashleigh says she is a big help. She also takes art classes once a week and makes the most interesting and creative things – she gets that from you. Leona helps her so that she can still do communion.
Sarah is back in Thunder Bay at LU with me in the science program. She came home, went back, came home – but I’m glad she’s home. She and I, and Bethany and Trevor have lunch together every now and then and its nice. Nice to have some family around the campus.
Emily is on student council and the grade 11 rep. She has really matured since her 16th birthday. I can see it in the way she talks to adults. She’s going to learn how to drive soon and she is going to France in the spring. She dyed her hair with a pink strip this month for Breast Cancer. And she went out on her own and got a job at Superstore.
I started dating Daniel, and I’m at LU now too. I’m doing a double degree of history and english. ANd I’ve decided to do the honours concurrent ed program. Which means that hopefully in 5 years or so I’ll be teaching high school history. I drive a stick shift too…even went over a few hills today by myself. I perfected beef stew and banana bread. I crochet all the time and have made some pretty awesome blankets. And I’m going to be the maid of honour at Emily W’s wedding.
Grandma is really involved in her Japanese Lakehead group. Tony plays the guitar every night – now the bass and electric too. Joel is doing some schooling and Tony helps him in the morning. Mary moved to Minneapolis and lives on a really pretty street. Melinda is running marathons and what not.
You see…life moves on. Sometimes that’s the hardest part…life moves on despite my world changing. I remember sitting in that waiting room and telling Melinda and Dana that I would never feel anything other than that sorrow. How could I do anything while I was enveloped in that sorrow? How could I care for anyone, make supper, clean a house, live while I was so utterly consumed by that dark grief? And there were times when I begged God to just freeze time, but it kept on ticking on, and I’m thankful that God didn’t slow down time to let me wallow. God has given us so many gifts this year, and He has reminded me of you every day. And He has slowly allowed my heart to heal bit by bit. And I know that the years to come, though long and still missing you, will be full of God’s gifts and good things. You taught me that. While I wish you were here to see these good things with us, I know one day we’ll be together again and that will be a great thing. I’m practicing my patience, really.
I miss you. Every day.
I love you.
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See ya pal
Posted on September, 30 at 4:07 am
My great friend Alexis is jumping the pond today and spending a year in England studying abroad. This was the first summer since we both left for school that we could really hang out and I have enjoyed her company so much lately that I am really sad to see her go, but I know she is going to have a great time and I hope she enjoys herself so much.
I had a lot of fun with you and Lorraine last night…discussing the Mother, planning the future and lining it up, naming our kids, drinking pop and just being friends. You are a great friend and one of the best that God has given me.
So good bye Alexis, have fun
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Take A Back Road
Posted on September, 7 at 11:40 am
And just like that…summer’s over! This feels like seriously the shortest summer of my life. The girls are back to school today (Hannah – my baby – in HIGH SCHOOL) so I feel like some summer reflection is in order. Here’s a few things I learned this summer:
- I love camping. I spent a large portion of this summer camping, and I have to say that I think there is a lot of camping in my future. I like canoeing, sea-dooing, being on a lake. I like falling asleep listening to nature a few inches away. I like sitting outside with people you love. I like playing cards after dinner and taking walks. (But I’m still me and I like the way it feels when you come home and take a shower…haha)
- I love country music. Yeeeaaaaahh…top songs this summer: “Just a Kiss”, “Country Girl (Shake it for Me)”, “Long Hot Summer”, “Dirt Road Anthem”, “Honeybee”, “Knee Deep”…but nothing makes me smile like “Take a Back Road”. I’m the kind of girl who stays in the car or drives around the block to listen to her favourite song when it comes on, or stop talking to someone so I can sing along…
- I love bbq-ing…and I’m good at it. Chicken, corn, potatoes, peppers…I’ll miss you during the winter.
- I love family. I like hanging out, watching tv, playing games, eating dinner, catching up, crying, laughing, celebrating, mourning, hugging, kissing, planning. I like Scattegories, Skip Bo, nickle me, Taboo, planking, fireworks, Parenthood, Big Bang Theory, swimming, the Minnesota Zoo, the Mentalist, fishing, 103.5 the Thunder, Adele, Rock Band, Super Secret Spy Crew, Bryan Gosling, Starbucks, TimBits, Whale Tours, Puffins, flamingoing and everything else we did together. It doesn’t matter what it is, where we are, as long as I’m with YOU…I’m good.
It was a different kind of summer for different reasons but looking back on it, I’m okay with how it turned out. I felt full and I felt warm and as the weather gets colder and we start approaching the things we don’t want to approach, I’ll look back on this summer and all the good things that happened and maybe that warmth will tide me over. I’ll be thanking God for every day I get to live this crazy, warm, loving, full life of mine, until next time…
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You Give Me Fever
Posted on September, 4 at 5:23 pm
I am really really truly not ready for things that are coming up, and while some sisters are able to face them, beautifully and eloquently, I am not just yet…so I will talk to ya about some thing else for now.
Well, it’s Sunday and I am finishing off what will surely be in the top contenders for “Worst Weekends Ever”. I’m siiiick, yall. It started Friday afternoon after I finished cleaning my room and the craft room (oh yeah you read that right!!) with just a little bit of congestion and some tickle in my throat. But I couldn’t sleep on Friday night and Saturday I got up and was bleeehhh and then it sort of continued into all kinds of horrible ness. Tony and Sarah had a canoe trip that they were on, so George came Saturday morning to take Em to work. Daniel and I had plans to get together but I told him “I’m siiiiick” and gave him the chance to opt out. But being the nice guy that he is, he brought me some sprite and sat by me while I sniffled and sneezed and blew my nose through Star Wars. He asked me on a scale of 1-10 how bad was my cold right now, and I said four. We walked to the park thinking some “fresh air” would do me some good, but I started getting really nauseus and when we got home I told him he should probably leave, because things were about to get uggggalay. And ugly did they get, because I spent the next twelve hours with my head in the toilet puking everything in me out, and getting chills, and getting hot and then cold again in two minutes time. It sucks being sick. But Tony got me some gatorade which after a while I managed to keep down, and when I was sure I would keep a benadryl down, I took it and slept off this horrible ness. I went to bed an eight and woke up a two…sweet little pink pill.
So now, I am just nursing off my congestion and the headache that the pressure is giving me, but Emily is knocked right out and Hannah I believe is starting. A big shout out goes to Finnley who was stuffed up on Thursday when I saw him and decided to opt out of the traditional kiss on the cheek to say good bye and instead decided to lick my face. Thanks bro. What would I do without you?
Just kidding, Finn is my best friend. I hope it wasn’t this bad for them.
Well we only have a few days left of summer, so I hope we get better soon so we can enjoy them. It’s been a great summer…stay healthy, eat your vegetables!
Ps you know doesn’t feel good on the upchuck? Chips and salsa…ughhh
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Light
Posted on June, 10 at 11:32 am
You know something…my life is working out!!
Our gas went out this week, which means no hot water, which means for the longest time in these twenty years of mine that I can remember I couldn’t have my regular morning shower to wake me up and bring a new freshness to the day. Oh the horror! No hot water for this poor girl. How will I survive. Well, Tony called the gas and got it all straightened out…but a gas guy couldn’t come til Friday (this was on Tuesday…the horror!) so that’s that. On the first day, I took a shower at my tried and true Lamooseys bc I had plans to have lunch with Danny the Manny anyway, and I quickly changed the plans so he didn’t come here and I went there and I had time to look fab-you-luss (he said I looked like a german Egyptian…not sure what it means) for our chili date with Kakabeka Falls. Super! Emily showered at Lorraine’s. Hannah took a cold bath (!). The second day (thursday now in this epic tale) I boiled a pot of hot water and attempted to wash my hair in it and have a “towel-bath”. Halfway through rinsing out my kids shampoo (Suave 2-n-1 Smoothers…thanks Amanda F) I tipped over this bucket of now luke-warm water…super. That night Emily took a shower at Lamooo’s and I went in the hot tub and rinsed out remaining shampoo. Shh don’t tell Gerald. I dont know what Hannah did…
Well Today, the Glorious Gas Guy as he will henceforth be known came bright and early…he had flaming red hair and even more red skin complexion…turned it back on and in about fifteen minutes or so I’m going to take a H-O-T-T hawt shower in my own bathroom and I can only imagine that it is going to be wonderful.
Then, in prep for YG camping trip this weekend, I managed to work it all out that worship practice will be done early enough so I can catch a ride out instead of driving out there myself…because I like to mooch like that.
And it turns out Mr Lamoo has the day off tomorrow which means I have my Amazing Race partner back so look out all you campers…we are in it to win it!! (He had lots of days off this week bc God loves me) (And He loves the grass so he gave us rain)
And to top it all off, they played my favourite song on the radio – Colder Weather by the Zac Brown Band – and it almost never gets played. Seriously I’ve heard it like twice in the last month.
Here’s to hot water, days off, perfect timing and hearing your favourite song on the radio! And the promise of next month!
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Keepin time with that country western musak
Posted on May, 26 at 4:13 pm
I drove Grandma to Duluth yesterday for her dr appt…it was pretty fun. She’s a pretty easy travelling companion. We stopped to mail something in Grand Marais and I had a very friendly chat with the Post Master General about being American and living in Canada. He told me that he can spot a Canadian from a mile away because of the way they dress and that at least two pass him on his way to work every day because they have such an inherent need for speed. Thanks bro, I just want my mail. (“Don’t you guys have traffic enforcement up there??” You need to drive fast to outrun the yetis.) Couple that with Grandma telling me that sugar snap peas are native to Canada (??) and you have got yourself a trip, my friends. Oh Canada, I apologize. I apologize for stereotypes about polar bears, lumber jacks and beavers. I apologize for the division in my heart, that the wave of relief I feel when I cross into the US can coexist in this heart of mine with the surge of joy I get when those first city lights from Tbay welcome me home.
I did really well getting into Duluth and finding the dr and then we decided to stop by target and I got completely lost, ended up adding like 2 hours to the trip. Thanks, brain. I took a picture of her spine on the xray with my phone but cant figure out how to get it on here. I keep trying to pick it up and just place in on the screen but I cant grab it with my fingers. (Eye roll) It was a really cool pic. Next time you’re around my phone ask to look at it.
The day before that, we walked around Mission Island Marsh and then went to look at some deer. For real. Deer. Daniel and the girls all proved that their eye sight is much better than mine, and we came home and watched the finale of AMERICAN IDOL. My soul is crushed (or something less dramatic) because it’s over, but Scotty McCreery won and I am okay with that. After Idol, we made Daniel watch Glee with us and I’m pretty sure he won’t be coming over any more.
I’m pretty into country music right now, Carrie Keith Brad, all of them…I love it. I was listening to the station yesterday and Grandma referred to it as “country western”. It made me think of John Wayne or something. She said she was keeping time to that country western music…this was right before she spit up a handful of trail mix all over the back seat…My life, my life.
Stay cool my friendos, eat your trail mix slowly.
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